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Updated: Apr 12

Attachment is an emotional bond between the child and their primary caregivers (usually one's parents).

John Bowlby, the founder of attachment theory, suggested that we are born with a biologically pre-programmed need to attach to our primary caregivers. Thus, the issue is not whether we attach to our parents but how we attach is crucial as this attachment continues to have a tremendous impact on us throughout our lives.

Our attachment relationship with our parents leads to the development of internal working models that are based on the internalization of our interactions between our parents and ourselves. These interactions are encoded in our brain using procedural memory that operates below the level of conscious awareness. Our internal working models then become rules and expectations that guide our perceptions of ourselves and others, affect the anticipations of our interactions with our parents and guide future interactions with other people.

The role of parents in early childhood is crucial.

The relationship with our parents plays a critical part in the development of our sense of self and sense of others and how we view the world.

This relationship affects:

  • development of our personality

  • sense of security

  • emotional development

  • behavioural habits

  • how we think and feel about ourselves

  • how we cope with stress

  • how we regulate our emotions

  • how we connect with others

  • who we choose as a partner

  • how we behave in relationships and how we expect others to behave

“Parenting is not a role, it’s a relationship.” (Gabor Mate)

Parenting, especially in the first five years, is not only about meeting the children’s basic survival needs and being there physically. How parents address their children’s emotions and how they respond to them affects their children in a way most parents don’t even realize.

The relationship with our parents creates a template we use in all other relationships. Therefore, exploring the first relationship in our lives, the relationship with our parents, is critical. I help my clients comprehend how the parent-child relationship has emerged and impacted their development. We are designed for connection; thus, exploring my clients’ attachment issues also helps them understand their way of connecting with others and helps them cope with emotions and problems that resulted from their early attachment.

Your journey of exploring the long-term effects of your attachment begins with your introductory session.

Contact me to book your free 30-minute introductory session.

Want to learn more? Check out the resource list below:

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